Bucket List

My Bucket List

1. Be Faithful to God, my family, my friends and myself every day.
2. Grow old, healthy and happy with my wife.
3. Watch my girls grow into beautiful young women, graduate from high school and college, start a family and career if they so choose and spend endless hours with my grandchildren if I am blessed enough to have some.
4. Let my family know I love them and appreciate everything they do for me.
5. Be the better man everyday in every situation. Let my words and actions be who I really am.
6. Help one person everyday either it be with a problem, a kind word or just a smile.
7. Show compassion for those in need, comfort for those in pain and the courage to stand up for those being wronged.
8. Judge less, care more and learn something new every day.
9. Purely selfish one - Visit New England in Autumn.

Mile Stones Reached - Reflections On the Past - Future Pondered

According to many people tomorrow is a big day for me. See I am going from one decade in my life to another. Many see this as a transition or a sad time but for me it is just another day. I really don't feel any older, not sure if I have gained that expected wisdom that comes with age and still feel I have a lot of life ahead of me. Maybe I should give it more thought and reflection. Maybe it is bigger then I am giving it credit for. But I truly think a person is only as old as they feel and allow themselves to act. Later if time allows I will probably take some time tonight and look back at what I have accomplished, opportunities missed and conquered and ponder what the future holds.

For me, as I make the transition from thirties and into my forties, I remember probably the best decade of my life. I have seen my daughters born, grow and mature. I have spent some wonderful time with my wife. My career has been good and I am blessed to have a job continually throughout it. I have worked my way thru college, with only to 5 credit hours to finish (which will be done in March), and I will have my bachelors degree. I have thoroughly  enjoyed my 30's and I am really looking forward to what my 40's bring.

So I would like to say thanks to my wonderful family for making my life so joyous and showing me how truly blessed I am. Thanks to all the friends, old and new, who have told me straight and supported me when I needed it most. Thanks especially to God for all the gifts and blessings I have. 

Politics and the World We Live In

While I dislike politicians and the hypocrisy they expound I find it odd that so many "average" Americans are willing to point out this hypocrisy. There is not one among us, myself included, who is not a hypocrite. I do not know one person who has not said "I will never" or "under no circumstances is that". When it comes to items like abortion, pedophilia, murder, etc. most people aren't hypocrites, we live what we say. But are we saying that there are different levels to being hypocrite and that some are OK? When we do this we are no better than the same people we sit in judgement and become just like them. So instead of us becoming the political pundits we love to hate maybe we should take a step back and look in the mirror first.

The news of Santorum's wife's abortion is very bad for his candidacy but it does only show that he is human. Yes he is a hypocrite and he lied to us but after all he is a politician, did you expect something different? I am a Christian but have always found the way he pushed his faith out in front was not what I want to hear. I want to hear how he is going to change foreign policy, fix the economy and help out Americans. Did I think he was a viable or even a good candidate, no. Do I think this hurts his campaign, yes. But I don't really care since to me he was a poor choice in the first place. Being a Christian makes you who you are as a person, not as a politician. Does one affect the other, sure but they are two completely different things.

I am also glad that Michele Bachmann is now out of the race. She also was not a viable candidate and to me is bat crap crazy. Her speech withdrawing from the race for president confirmed this for me even more. To say "even though I am a congresswoman I am not a politician" show's how nuts she really is. Her statement that she was only running to repeal Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act or to her Dodd-Franks and the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA or as she always call's it Obamacare shows how woefully unprepared she was to lead our nation.

I don't know who I will vote for yet since we don't know who the republican candidate is going to be. Has president Obama lived up to every promise he made, no. Is he the best choice, not sure yet. Is Romney the right person, is it Gingrich, Paul or if Huntsman makes a run? I just don't know yet. We have 11 months of listening to speeches, posturing and let's face it lies. Good luck America and the world, this is going to be a fun 11 months.

The sense of smell.

Not sure why but my mind was wondering a little here at work and I got to thinking which of my five sense's would I miss the most?

I know I would miss sight because I would no longer get to see my wife or daughters lovely face's. I would no longer get to see pure beauty in the form of  a picture or painting, movie or one of God's sunset's or sunrise's. I would miss not having sight but I don't think I would miss it most.

I would miss hearing. I would miss the conversations I have with my daughters when they tell me about their day. I would miss hearing my wife tell me about here joy's and trials that are daily life. I would miss hearing the roar of the crowd at a Nebraska home football game. I would miss the sounds of birds as daylight breaks and they start to sing. I would miss the sound of good music or the cinema. Again I don't think I would miss this most though.

I would miss feeling. The touch of a loved one, the feel of a bear hug embrace from a family member or close friend. The simple act of petting my dog or daughters cat. The comfort of new or freshly washed flannel sheets on a cool autumn day. These two would be missed but not most.

Taste I would miss also but not the most. A great steak grilled to perfection. My wife's homemade apple pie for my birthday. My step mom's macaroni salad. The interesting deserts my oldest comes up with (the latest was peanut butter, chocolate and Nerds candy made into a Reese's type cup). A stadium dog at a football or baseball game. A fresh pizza pie from our local establishment. All these would be missed.

The sense I would miss most though I believe would be smell. The smell of a new born child. The familiar sent of my family. The sent of rain in the spring time, freshly cut alfalfa in the summer, leaves in autumn that are starting to just slightly decompose, the first time the furnace kicks on in the fall. The smell of someone grilling in the evening, the flowers my daughters pick to give to their mother. I really think I would miss smell the most. Scent can bring back memories so vivid that you can almost taste, feel, see or hear the event again in your head. When a scent triggers one of these moments it is as if the moment never ended.

I realize this is not going to be the same for everyone and I never thought it would. For me the loss of scent would be hardest. Don't get me wrong I am truly blessed to have all my sense's, exception of course is common, and would miss all the others but for me not being able to smell would be terrible.

Time to think.

As I pause from work and take my daily walk to clear my mind and leave the stress there I look up at the almost starless sky, most of them being drowned out by the city lights. The nearly full moon is so bright now it cast slight shadows.

The cool temperature on my face makes me realize how blessed I am to have a good job, a roof over my head and a family to share it with. My mind wonders off while listening to the music from my ear buds. I think of my cousin who passed last week at the age of 41; he was much too young. I think of how I let our relationship get weaker and wonder how one does that? How do you let family become so distant? I will be attending the funeral early this next week but feel ashamed, should I go even though I didn't take the time to visit when he was still with us? I am going to go and pay respects because no matter how distant one becomes he was still family and I loved him.

I think of two dear friends. One is struggling with the trials and tribulations that life presents. This economy has been kind to very few and this person is feeling the affects and needs to make some difficult choices. The other friend on my mind is struggling with an illness that is unexplained. The doctors are finding nothing and my friend is concerned and scared at the same time. I pray for both that they will find answers and comfort with the difficult decisions that need to be made.

Lunch is over, time to get back to work. Answers will come and I will not search for them, I will have faith and let things happen as they will.

Snow Day, Woohoo!!! Not so much.

Snow day for eastern Nebraska. Kids these days have it easy. Shoot I remember walking 3 miles up hill to school, both ways, on my hands so I wouldn't get my feet wet and in -30 degree F wind chills. :)

All kidding aside the reason they declared a snow day wasn't so much for the snow or even the cold. The fact is children in our school districted are unprepared to be out in it.

Here is a quote from the district superintendent on the reason they will call snow days more often then in the past. "These days it is also important to remember the changing demographics of our community. Currently about 50 percent of our students, preschool through fifth grade, live in poverty (qualify for free and reduced lunch)—45 percent of our total LPS student enrollment. That means we can no longer assume that children walking to school have warm mittens and adequate coats.  Nor can we assume that if and when blizzard conditions arrive at the close of a school day, parents will be waiting outside school doors with a warm car. Yes, many students in Lincoln can bundle up, but many do not have the resources, the parental supervision or knowledge to prepare properly."

This is sad, the state of our world that is. If things are this bad where I live I cannot imagine what it is like on either coast where poverty and unemployment are much higher. We in Nebraska are supposed to have a good standard of living compared to much of the country. I don't want this to be a political post or a blame this person or that person or this party or that party. I guess I want people to understand how bad things have gotten for the innocent bystanders in this game of political and corporate corruption. This didn't happen the last two years or 10, it started much longer ago.

I hope and pray at some point we will see that passing debt on to the future, downsizing employees, corporate greed and political infighting are getting us no where and hurting those, the youth, who have no say. WE are all to blame and until we all start to make a change it isn't going to get better.

Chrome OS/CR-48 Initial Review.

My review of the CR-48 Google Notebook

I received my Google OS notebook on Monday December 20 but do to some obligations at work and some family miscommunication I did not actually see it until Tuesday. I have been playing with it for just a few hours and would like to share my initial thoughts with you. 

First I would like to point out,  you must understand this is a Beta unit and will be no where near what the production unit will be. Second being this is the first release of the Chrome OS also there are many improvements that will be made by the beta testers.

I am going to start with hardware then move to software.

So far I am impressed with the unit itself. The battery life, screen, keyboard and mouse are all user friendly, at least to me.  The battery life is the biggest surprise so far. The unit comes with the instructions to just put the battery in and start using the notebook. The battery was half charged when I put it in and I messed around with it for about 2 hours and it was still over a quarter charged. 

The keyboard has taken a little time to get used to since a lot of the buttons (alt/ctrl are there but the F keys are not) I am used to using on a Windows based system are gone. I love using keyboard shortcuts and Google OS has them I just need to get used to the changes. 

I do prefer using a pointer stick mouse over a mouse pad but again this is only a personal preference. The mouse pad that comes with the unit is easy to use and quite large, a plus when you have sausage fingers like I do.

The screen is pleasant surprise. It is not what I have seen on some machines that were meant for media centers or gaming but is very nice. Pictures and video show up crisp and clear.

The on-board video camera takes nice pictures and video, not the highest quality but very good. When I tried to use the microphone, only once so far, there were some issues. My wife said it sounded choppy or as if it was breaking up. I am not sure this is a microphone issue though, internet has been a little slow in the neighborhood lately, some new lines are being installed.

The overall weight of the unit is nice, coming it at just 3.8 pounds.

Now my wish list for changes. I would like to see a cd/dvd drive on board. I hope this happens but with Google moving toward everything in the cloud they may not add it. As addressed earlier I would like to see a pointer stick mouse also. The speakers are adequate but could be better. 

No for the software. Please remember I have been using the unit for less then a day so these are my initial observations.

I have not had time to look at a lot of the items available at the Chrome Web Store but there is quite a bit there. Many of the free apps I tried just direct you to the host's website and you go from there. 

Using Chrome OS is much or almost exactly like using the Chrome browser. As soon as I signed in all of my extension/themes/setting/bookmarks were automatically updated. I have the sync feature enabled on my Dell Windows unit so this may have made it much faster. There is no desktop since you won't be storing anything on the unit. You can download stuff but it goes directly to a download queue that just pops up when select it. There is no "My Computer," "My Documents" or any of the other items you may look for. There is no start menu, no task bar or anything else you would look for. The time/date, WiFi and battery symbol are in the top right corner of the screen. The "control panel" as it is is the wrench you are used to using in the Chrome Browser. I will write new post after I have had time to mess with the Chrome Web Store more. 

No Netflix is huge miss so far for me but I am sure Google and Netflix will have this ready to go before production units hit the web/stores. 

My initial review is very positive. The hardware for a beta unit is impressive and functional. The software is easy to use if you have ever used the Chrome Browser. To grade the unit after such a short time is not fair of me but life isn't fair so here it is. I give the unit a solid B right now. With feedback from beta testers and software improvements I expect this grade to rise rather quickly. 

Familiarity

The saying goes Familiarity Breeds Contempt (Aesop's Fables) but I disagree. The fable is about a fox who is first scared of a lion then after several meetings shows him no concern. This may be true with casual acquaintance's but with people and things you truly care about I don't believe it ever becomes the case. We may not always treat the people we love the way we should but I hope never with contempt. Everyone has a bad day or gets frustrated with family and friends but in the end you always cherish your time together. I think this is because we know it may be over all too soon.

Autumn is coming on quickly, this is my favorite season of the year. Seeing an old friend, talking about and going to college football games, seeing that first tree change colors or planning weekend trips with the family are truly special and something I look forward too. How could I have contempt for the things that make me feel something special like nothing else does? I recently saw a video of friends talking/playing with their child. I have not seen these friends in quite awhile, we are separated by a long distance, and just to hear them and their daughter on the video made me smile. I have missed the get together's we have here in the Midwest during football season. The harvest is coming on, high school football takes center stage and kids are back in school excited to show off all there new clothes, bags and supplies. It is by far the best time of year.

I hope I tell those people closest to me how much I care and value their love, support and friendship. I hope even though at times it seems I take these things for granted I truly value them. This post did not take me where I was going with it in my head but I am happy with where it took me. So family and friends thanks for being there, for making familiarity a good thing and for making my life so fulfilling.

New Job?

I interviewed for a different position at work this week. Right now I am in engineering but according to the plant manager, HR manager and my direct manager I need to have supervisory experience to advance. So I applied for an open supervisor position and had three hours worth of interviews on Monday.


Like everything else in life this is both exciting and scary all at the same time. I like the engineering side and doing technical work. Some programming of robots, process improvements and new design work is exciting. Its also exciting when your boss asks you if you are going to apply for the open position though. To me it means he sees something in me and I have a future here so I better get this on my resume. Its scary because if I get the job I would be responsible for vacation request, discipline, time clock issues, overtime staffing and many other tasks. It is a completely different aspect of the job that I have never done before.

My manager told me today that they have one more candidate to interview and should make a decision in the next week. If you are a reader/friend any positive thoughts you could send my way would be appreciated.

Struggles

Struggles, we all have them and deal with them in different ways. We have daily struggles, relationship struggles, family struggles and lifetime struggles. Some are seen on the outside like a physical disability or scar from an accident from days gone by. Some are never seen but by those who truly love us. Others yet we never show to anyone and choose to struggle with on our own. Some people deal with their struggles and become violent or aggressive towards others. Others keep it all bottled up and don't let on to anyone how much they are struggling. Some may choose to deal by letting others learn from their struggles and how they either cope or overcome them. There is no tried and true, one size fits all way to deal or not to deal with your struggles. My personal struggles have been getting me down lately but it is how life is I guess. Just wish there truly were and 'easy' button sometimes.

We all do stupid things, right?

Not sure what I was thinking when I did it but I did it anyway. What was it you ask? I got a tattoo. Now before you go and cuss me out or think less of me know I already have done this to myself. It wasn't a drunken moment with friends or something done on a whim, it is something I have been thinking about for quite some time. I am happy with what I got, all of verse 1 of Psalm 23 and part of verse 4. This is my favorite verse of the Bible and means a great deal to me. I knew it would be permanent so I didn't want to get something I would ashamed to have on my body. I got it in an inconspicuous spot that most people will ever see.

I have heard from friends and family "why would you want to do that?" I just laugh and say it is cheaper then a new truck and way better for me and my family then an affair. I don't know the truthful answer to why I wanted one or went thru with it. I could call it a midlife crisis or just a bad judgement call, I don't know why. All I can say is it is a decision I made and I have to live with. There will be no pictures here sorry, here is what I got though.

Psalm 23:1 - The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
23:4 - Yea though I walk through the valley of the of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;

Special People, Special Day

I was fortunate enough to spend most of the day Tuesday with some truly special people. Lincoln, NE is hosting the 2010 National Special Olympics. I got up extra early, drove to a parking lot and took a bus to my volunteer location. I get there with not a whole lot going on for the first hour. We set up and received our instructions for the days events. Then the athletes came. You never really see what you take for granted until you witness people who have overcome more then you could imagine.

The first group consisted of two young ladies one with both physical and developmental disabilities and the second young woman with only developmental disabilities. It was amazing to see their attitude in respect to themselves and the other competitor. The first young lady did well on all her lifts but was not boastful. The second  young lady went 0-6 in the event. I could not tell she was upset or angry, she was so excited to be there and competing, she was happy for her fellow competitor even though she was having a bad time of it. She truly defined what it meant to be a good competitor and sportsmanship.

As the day moved along the groups got larger and the lifters had their different types of disabilities but the sportsmanship level never changed. There was a T.V. set up in the staging area where the athletes could watch each other compete. Not once was a bad or negative word spoken about another competitor. They would cheer, yell support, congratulate each other when the came off stage and console each other when another athlete was sad about not making their lift.

If you ever get the chance to spend the day volunteering with some of these truly special individuals take it. It will give you a perspective everyday life will not and may even teach you something about yourself. I know it did for me.

Anyone remember my diet?

Some of you, or the one of you who reads this (thank you by the way), may remember that I am on a diet and trying to get into some shape other then round. Things were going great, down 22 pounds, walking almost everyday, throwing in some bike riding and even a little weight lifting at work (very seldom). Then I hit the dreaded plateau, the weight stop dropping off and I actually gained back a pound. I was not discouraged though, I can do this, I can keep up with this and reach my goal. That was three weeks ago and I have gained back another half pound even while continuing the workouts.


I am starting to get discouraged a little now. I keep telling myself "the plateau won't last long, keep at it!" I do feel better, some say I look better and my jeans are a little looser but darn it when will I start losing some weight again?

Happy Fourth of July.

Happy Fourth of July everyone, I hope you get to spend this day with all those most special to you.

While to many this day means fireworks, BBQ's, picnics and adult beverages to me it means much more. I think back to what the Founding Fathers (and Mothers) must have had to endure. Knowing that by sending The Declaration of Independence they were committing treason. They basically said we are willing to put our lives on the line for what we believe in. I think back even further to the pilgrim's who came over for many reason and landed on Plymouth Rock. They were willing to put their lives on the line going to a new continent not knowing what they were going to find, how they were going to survive and what life was going to be like. Never forget how 150-160 years later as the Bill of Rights was being written they remembered them. Pilgrim's came over to get away from the religious Tierney of the King of England. They wanted to practice religion as they saw fit or not practice at all. It was something that so many of us cannot even fathom because of how much we know about the world today. The fact that the Founding Fathers had the wisdom to put this into the Bill of Rights shows how much this was ingrained in their/our society.

So this weekend while you are celebrating and doing all the modern day stuff take a moment and remember those who put their lives on-the-line for things we often take for granted. Remember the Pilgrim's leaving their homes and everything they had and were willing to start new. Remember those who were willing to fight for the right to practice religion, represent themselves in government and so many other things. These strong people did this so you can drink that beer, BBQ the burger and vote for representation in how our country is led. They did it so you can practice religion as you see fit or not at all. They did it so we could all be free.

Ten years?

Ten years used to seem like such a long time to me. I thought who am I going to be, what am I going to do, how will life have changed? Maybe it's because I am getting older or maybe it is because of life experience but ten years doesn't seem like that long of time anymore. After having my first daughter 10 years ago yesterday I cannot believe how fast the time flies by. It seems like she was just this little girl who needed my wife and I for everything. She needed us to feed her, bath her, help her get dressed and care for her every need.

Now she has grown and became more independent. She doesn't need us like she used to, well she does but just in different ways. She needs us when she has a rough day at school when the other kids have been mean. She needs us when she is stressed about homework. She needs us to take her back and forth from dance class and horse riding lessons. She needs us to teach her about God and how to treat others. We still have so many things to teach her and things she still needs. These are all great things to be needed for but its not at all like when she was little. She is only 10 but I see the young lady she is turning into already. She is so smart and mature, she makes me proud all the time. Soon she will be a teenager and I will be reflecting back on her 10th birthday and thinking "wouldn't it be nice if she needed me like she did then?"

Cutie Pie you are growing up much to fast for my liking. I am sorry I have not been there as much as I would've liked to be. I am sorry for all the things I miss because of work and sleep. Please know I am doing these things for you, your sister and your mother. I would so much like to be more of you life. Just know you and your sister are everything to me. Even if I don't always show it like I should or say the things I should, you are!

I love you Cutie Pie.

Happiness is?

How many of you can say you're truly happy? Could you change one, two or ten things in your life that would make your life happier? Do you live life with regrets or thinking about what should have been or never was? Do you look for happiness in places, people and things rather then inside yourself? What is your definition of happiness, is it something inside of you that you control or something you have no control over?

Recently I have been struggling with my happiness and I am not sure why. I have a beautiful wife who loves me very much and I love her. I have two wonderful daughters that are pure joy to me that I love more then I can say. I have my family, friends who love me, my health and a good job. These are many things a lot of people don't have today. So with all my blessings why am I still struggling to find happiness? I feel something is missing but I just don't know what it is.

I believe happiness is what you make it and something you have to find. It is not necessarily something inside of you but a culmination of many different factors. Some of these are internal, things that you have control over, while others are outside factors. You can chose how you look at life, you can chose how you are going to respond to different situations and no one has the ability to hurt your feelings unless you let them. These things are within our control. You cannot control how long your family will live, how long you will maintain friendships, how long you will be employed or what people say and do.

I need to work on the balance of internal and external factors and do what I can to be happy. I need to work on how I control my own attitude and try not to let those outside of my control affect me. Work with what you have, don't try and change too much and be alright with life's little lessons.


Be happy my friends.

Father's Day

Father's Day is a day to celebrate dad and all he does for his kids but I don't feel I deserve it.

I love my daughters more then anything and everything they are. I look forward to what they are going to grow to be. I am so proud of who they are even at their young ages. I love them very, very much and only want the best for them.

I have not been the best dad, I know this. I don't spend the time with them that they need. I don't always show love and affection the way I should. I am tired and cranky most of the time due to my work schedule and working towards my degree. I often put them after the things that should be put after them. I do what I do so they can have the things they need and want. I really try to be a good dad but I feel like I have failed them on so many levels. I truly know I am not the best dad.

Doing what I do allows for my wife to be a stay at home mom, a confidant and a friend to them. I often miss many important activities but she is able to make it to all of them. In some ways this makes me feel good but also a little sad. I see the relationship she has with them and wish I could have that also. I am not jealous and know why things are the way they are. I know I am missing so much of their younger years and know I will never it get it back though.

I will keep telling myself I am doing what I am doing for them and my wife. I will keep praying to God that they will someday see I worked this schedule and worked for my college diploma not out of selfishness for me but for them. I hope one day they will love me for who I am and what I did and not just because I am their dad.

I would like to say happy Father's Day to my own dad. You are here for me whenever needed. You have given me so much, taught me so much and gone without so much. When mom died when I was 8 you became the only provider. Doing two jobs instead of one was not easy but you did well. I love you dad.

Angel Bug's riding lesson

Cutie Pie rides a horse

I've really got to work on the song I sing.

How many people are singing the song that is making their life happy? My song is bringing me down and I need to work on it.