Happiness is?

How many of you can say you're truly happy? Could you change one, two or ten things in your life that would make your life happier? Do you live life with regrets or thinking about what should have been or never was? Do you look for happiness in places, people and things rather then inside yourself? What is your definition of happiness, is it something inside of you that you control or something you have no control over?

Recently I have been struggling with my happiness and I am not sure why. I have a beautiful wife who loves me very much and I love her. I have two wonderful daughters that are pure joy to me that I love more then I can say. I have my family, friends who love me, my health and a good job. These are many things a lot of people don't have today. So with all my blessings why am I still struggling to find happiness? I feel something is missing but I just don't know what it is.

I believe happiness is what you make it and something you have to find. It is not necessarily something inside of you but a culmination of many different factors. Some of these are internal, things that you have control over, while others are outside factors. You can chose how you look at life, you can chose how you are going to respond to different situations and no one has the ability to hurt your feelings unless you let them. These things are within our control. You cannot control how long your family will live, how long you will maintain friendships, how long you will be employed or what people say and do.

I need to work on the balance of internal and external factors and do what I can to be happy. I need to work on how I control my own attitude and try not to let those outside of my control affect me. Work with what you have, don't try and change too much and be alright with life's little lessons.


Be happy my friends.

Father's Day

Father's Day is a day to celebrate dad and all he does for his kids but I don't feel I deserve it.

I love my daughters more then anything and everything they are. I look forward to what they are going to grow to be. I am so proud of who they are even at their young ages. I love them very, very much and only want the best for them.

I have not been the best dad, I know this. I don't spend the time with them that they need. I don't always show love and affection the way I should. I am tired and cranky most of the time due to my work schedule and working towards my degree. I often put them after the things that should be put after them. I do what I do so they can have the things they need and want. I really try to be a good dad but I feel like I have failed them on so many levels. I truly know I am not the best dad.

Doing what I do allows for my wife to be a stay at home mom, a confidant and a friend to them. I often miss many important activities but she is able to make it to all of them. In some ways this makes me feel good but also a little sad. I see the relationship she has with them and wish I could have that also. I am not jealous and know why things are the way they are. I know I am missing so much of their younger years and know I will never it get it back though.

I will keep telling myself I am doing what I am doing for them and my wife. I will keep praying to God that they will someday see I worked this schedule and worked for my college diploma not out of selfishness for me but for them. I hope one day they will love me for who I am and what I did and not just because I am their dad.

I would like to say happy Father's Day to my own dad. You are here for me whenever needed. You have given me so much, taught me so much and gone without so much. When mom died when I was 8 you became the only provider. Doing two jobs instead of one was not easy but you did well. I love you dad.

Angel Bug's riding lesson

Cutie Pie rides a horse

I've really got to work on the song I sing.

How many people are singing the song that is making their life happy? My song is bringing me down and I need to work on it.

When is Church no longer a church?

Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas is a church filled with people who don't truly understand the Bible or Gods teachings. It is a church filled with hate mongers and intolerant people who breed more hate and  intolerance. Several people say this is child abuse, while not quite sure about that  it is something other than love.

My questions is why does the public still consider this group of people to be a church? Why don't we do what we have done to other groups and call them what they are, a Cult?

While they are afforded free speech under the Constitution of the United States of America their rhetoric is nothing but hate filled ignorance. They have already deemed every single one of us as going to hell for supporting God, our families, our friends and our country. I don't want to get into a name calling battle with these folks but it is time to call them what they are. In my opinion this is no longer a church but a cult hiding behind the name of God like so many others.

Read the story below and make up you own mind.
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/raised-hate-kids-westboro-baptist-church/story?id=10809348

Why do we make the same mistakes over and over?

I recently made a new friend, I let this friend close to me and I got hurt again. Why do I make the mistake of letting people in? Why haven't I learned from long ago that it does no good? People are good by nature but there is always going to be pain. It seems better to me that we just make casual acquaintance friends and not let people close. Why must people share with you and let you into their lives and just walk away? Life to me seems like it would be better if you just keep things to yourself.

I've lost people who meant more to me then I could ever imagine.  My most difficult loss is my mom. My mom died when I was 8 from cancer. She was sick for a long time and I never really got to know her because of it. I know she loved me and I her and that is enough but it is still a loss that hurts.

It may not sound like it could happen to an 8 year old but I shut down after this, really and truly. In my life I can say I have only let 5-6 people get to know the real me. This includes my wife, who I love more then I can say and show, and five friends. I lost one of these friends shortly after my marriage. He was my best man and I really don't know what happened but there is just nothing there anymore. I recently lost the last person I let close. She is just a friend, nothing more, we shared many interests and made each other laugh.

When I lost this friend, which was mostly my doing, I only made matters worse. I tried to keep up the contact when I should have given space. I tried too hard. I hope she knows how much I care for her and our friendship. I know it is probably too late to get that back. I would like to quote someone very close to her and these are some very wise words. Where she used men I would insert women but you get the idea.

"You will meet many men in this life and fall in love... legitimate love, sometimes you meet them after you are married... and you will fall in love with them deeply... you just cant act on all of them"

So I am really going to try and learn from this latest life lesson. I am not going to let others close and keep people at arms length. I don't blame this on my friend at all, this is a lesson I should have learned many years ago. I am blessed and happy to have my wife to share with and my other three close friends, I am fortunate to have this many.