I recently made a new friend, I let this friend close to me and I got hurt again. Why do I make the mistake of letting people in? Why haven't I learned from long ago that it does no good? People are good by nature but there is always going to be pain. It seems better to me that we just make casual acquaintance friends and not let people close. Why must people share with you and let you into their lives and just walk away? Life to me seems like it would be better if you just keep things to yourself.
I've lost people who meant more to me then I could ever imagine. My most difficult loss is my mom. My mom died when I was 8 from cancer. She was sick for a long time and I never really got to know her because of it. I know she loved me and I her and that is enough but it is still a loss that hurts.
It may not sound like it could happen to an 8 year old but I shut down after this, really and truly. In my life I can say I have only let 5-6 people get to know the real me. This includes my wife, who I love more then I can say and show, and five friends. I lost one of these friends shortly after my marriage. He was my best man and I really don't know what happened but there is just nothing there anymore. I recently lost the last person I let close. She is just a friend, nothing more, we shared many interests and made each other laugh.
When I lost this friend, which was mostly my doing, I only made matters worse. I tried to keep up the contact when I should have given space. I tried too hard. I hope she knows how much I care for her and our friendship. I know it is probably too late to get that back. I would like to quote someone very close to her and these are some very wise words. Where she used men I would insert women but you get the idea.
"You will meet many men in this life and fall in love... legitimate love, sometimes you meet them after you are married... and you will fall in love with them deeply... you just cant act on all of them"
So I am really going to try and learn from this latest life lesson. I am not going to let others close and keep people at arms length. I don't blame this on my friend at all, this is a lesson I should have learned many years ago. I am blessed and happy to have my wife to share with and my other three close friends, I am fortunate to have this many.
