Why I Love Nebraska

Tonight I was in a mood, sort of cranky, mostly irritable, just a down right poor demeanor. You know one of those moods where life gets to you, too much work, not enough family time and all the burdens that you carry. Mine are no different then anyone else's, we all have to deal though. The way we deal is different; some drink, some talk to friends, some exercise, some read a book or watch a movie and some do things all together different. For me it is a drive on a two lane highway late at night and tonight was one of those nights I needed to get out and just drive.

I stopped at a convenience store and grabbed a strawberry pop, set some Johnny Cash on the phone and pumped it thru the car audio and headed out on the road. I didn't have a lot of time but I wanted, no I needed to go. This leads me to the title, Why I Love Nebraska. I can get in the car and be out in the darkness in less then 15 minutes from just about anywhere in the town I live. In just this short time I am away from the city lights looking at a star filled sky and driving in an almost complete void. Occasionally I would need to dim the high beams for the rare on-coming car but for the most part had the road to myself. You can really see the stars here in Nebraska, with our  small population there is not a lot of light pollution from cities. You experience the odd wild animal playing chicken with your automobile, the raccoon's are brave and the opossum are just plain stupid. You can see the field mice running across the road if you look real close, this is easier in the winter time when there is snow on the ground though.

So with my strawberry pop, Johnny coming thru load and clear and my thoughts all to myself I reflect on what makes my life better. One hour is enough but I usually take more, it helps me think of all the gifts the Lord has blessed me with. I think of my family and how truly awesome they are; how my oldest daughter is turning into such a little lady, how my youngest daughter is so loving, friendly and kind. How much my wife gives to our family and friends. I think of my dad and all the struggles he has gone thru in his life and how much he still gives to others and asks for so little in return. I think of friends past and present. The friends you will never see or talk to again, the friends you don't see or talk to enough or the friends you get to spend time with. This time is truly a special time for me.

Here in Nebraska on a cloudless star filled night I drive and think and find my mood is much better. More relaxed and a better perspective on things. I know most people have a place like this but it is Why I Love Nebraska.

The sense of smell.

Not sure why but my mind was wondering a little here at work and I got to thinking which of my five sense's would I miss the most?

I know I would miss sight because I would no longer get to see my wife or daughters lovely face's. I would no longer get to see pure beauty in the form of  a picture or painting, movie or one of God's sunset's or sunrise's. I would miss not having sight but I don't think I would miss it most.

I would miss hearing. I would miss the conversations I have with my daughters when they tell me about their day. I would miss hearing my wife tell me about here joy's and trials that are daily life. I would miss hearing the roar of the crowd at a Nebraska home football game. I would miss the sounds of birds as daylight breaks and they start to sing. I would miss the sound of good music or the cinema. Again I don't think I would miss this most though.

I would miss feeling. The touch of a loved one, the feel of a bear hug embrace from a family member or close friend. The simple act of petting my dog or daughters cat. The comfort of new or freshly washed flannel sheets on a cool autumn day. These two would be missed but not most.

Taste I would miss also but not the most. A great steak grilled to perfection. My wife's homemade apple pie for my birthday. My step mom's macaroni salad. The interesting deserts my oldest comes up with (the latest was peanut butter, chocolate and Nerds candy made into a Reese's type cup). A stadium dog at a football or baseball game. A fresh pizza pie from our local establishment. All these would be missed.

The sense I would miss most though I believe would be smell. The smell of a new born child. The familiar sent of my family. The sent of rain in the spring time, freshly cut alfalfa in the summer, leaves in autumn that are starting to just slightly decompose, the first time the furnace kicks on in the fall. The smell of someone grilling in the evening, the flowers my daughters pick to give to their mother. I really think I would miss smell the most. Scent can bring back memories so vivid that you can almost taste, feel, see or hear the event again in your head. When a scent triggers one of these moments it is as if the moment never ended.

I realize this is not going to be the same for everyone and I never thought it would. For me the loss of scent would be hardest. Don't get me wrong I am truly blessed to have all my sense's, exception of course is common, and would miss all the others but for me not being able to smell would be terrible.

Ten years?

Ten years used to seem like such a long time to me. I thought who am I going to be, what am I going to do, how will life have changed? Maybe it's because I am getting older or maybe it is because of life experience but ten years doesn't seem like that long of time anymore. After having my first daughter 10 years ago yesterday I cannot believe how fast the time flies by. It seems like she was just this little girl who needed my wife and I for everything. She needed us to feed her, bath her, help her get dressed and care for her every need.

Now she has grown and became more independent. She doesn't need us like she used to, well she does but just in different ways. She needs us when she has a rough day at school when the other kids have been mean. She needs us when she is stressed about homework. She needs us to take her back and forth from dance class and horse riding lessons. She needs us to teach her about God and how to treat others. We still have so many things to teach her and things she still needs. These are all great things to be needed for but its not at all like when she was little. She is only 10 but I see the young lady she is turning into already. She is so smart and mature, she makes me proud all the time. Soon she will be a teenager and I will be reflecting back on her 10th birthday and thinking "wouldn't it be nice if she needed me like she did then?"

Cutie Pie you are growing up much to fast for my liking. I am sorry I have not been there as much as I would've liked to be. I am sorry for all the things I miss because of work and sleep. Please know I am doing these things for you, your sister and your mother. I would so much like to be more of you life. Just know you and your sister are everything to me. Even if I don't always show it like I should or say the things I should, you are!

I love you Cutie Pie.

Happiness is?

How many of you can say you're truly happy? Could you change one, two or ten things in your life that would make your life happier? Do you live life with regrets or thinking about what should have been or never was? Do you look for happiness in places, people and things rather then inside yourself? What is your definition of happiness, is it something inside of you that you control or something you have no control over?

Recently I have been struggling with my happiness and I am not sure why. I have a beautiful wife who loves me very much and I love her. I have two wonderful daughters that are pure joy to me that I love more then I can say. I have my family, friends who love me, my health and a good job. These are many things a lot of people don't have today. So with all my blessings why am I still struggling to find happiness? I feel something is missing but I just don't know what it is.

I believe happiness is what you make it and something you have to find. It is not necessarily something inside of you but a culmination of many different factors. Some of these are internal, things that you have control over, while others are outside factors. You can chose how you look at life, you can chose how you are going to respond to different situations and no one has the ability to hurt your feelings unless you let them. These things are within our control. You cannot control how long your family will live, how long you will maintain friendships, how long you will be employed or what people say and do.

I need to work on the balance of internal and external factors and do what I can to be happy. I need to work on how I control my own attitude and try not to let those outside of my control affect me. Work with what you have, don't try and change too much and be alright with life's little lessons.


Be happy my friends.

Father's Day

Father's Day is a day to celebrate dad and all he does for his kids but I don't feel I deserve it.

I love my daughters more then anything and everything they are. I look forward to what they are going to grow to be. I am so proud of who they are even at their young ages. I love them very, very much and only want the best for them.

I have not been the best dad, I know this. I don't spend the time with them that they need. I don't always show love and affection the way I should. I am tired and cranky most of the time due to my work schedule and working towards my degree. I often put them after the things that should be put after them. I do what I do so they can have the things they need and want. I really try to be a good dad but I feel like I have failed them on so many levels. I truly know I am not the best dad.

Doing what I do allows for my wife to be a stay at home mom, a confidant and a friend to them. I often miss many important activities but she is able to make it to all of them. In some ways this makes me feel good but also a little sad. I see the relationship she has with them and wish I could have that also. I am not jealous and know why things are the way they are. I know I am missing so much of their younger years and know I will never it get it back though.

I will keep telling myself I am doing what I am doing for them and my wife. I will keep praying to God that they will someday see I worked this schedule and worked for my college diploma not out of selfishness for me but for them. I hope one day they will love me for who I am and what I did and not just because I am their dad.

I would like to say happy Father's Day to my own dad. You are here for me whenever needed. You have given me so much, taught me so much and gone without so much. When mom died when I was 8 you became the only provider. Doing two jobs instead of one was not easy but you did well. I love you dad.

Cutie Pie rides a horse

My Girls.

Yeah, not so good at the video editing yet. Here is the song she really wanted posted.

Cutie Pie at her spring recital